Sat, 30 June 2007
Topics Include: I can't even begin to describe this show, but funny as hell. enjoy!
Here is the link for the Hamster video Tom showed Shane,
Mon, 18 June 2007
I'm posting this, because I know as soon as Shane sees it, he will laugh out loud.
The only thing is that I cannot remember the context of this.
I don't remember why it's so funny.
This is a self-portrait taken during the last recording at Shane's old workplace...and it was in relation to a story I was telling...but I can't remember...
Shane - It's your chance to fill in the blanks in the comment section.
LOLE!, this was your impersonation of the dog hard rubbing his nose on the homeless guys crotch and this was when the dog was gumming his jogging pant pole.
Category:Tom -- posted at: 6:33 PM
Fri, 15 June 2007
I saw this abomination leaving work the other day.
The family thought it would be cute to post a photo of this poor bastard in fake Oakleys on the bumper of his car...on his 50th birthday no less!
Let's get something straight. On my birthday, I'm the goddamn man of the hour. Screw that, I am the Man of the Year on that day. Christ, the man made it to 50 years old! Do you know how hard that is to do these days? In Windsor, Ontario?! Our air is like baby powder, filled with grit and dust, except it comes from broken down shit-bucket cars that lunch-bucket brains can't let go of...so the powder is more like brake powder.
So, back to this poor-man's Tom Selleck...
He's got the gold chain on, he's obviously tanning on a boat at Put-In-Bay for the long weekend. His moustachio is turning a little blonde, and his JOakleys are hiding his bloodshot, Coors-Light-Lakeport-Honey-Brown-and-Lucky-Lager-indicating-eyeballs. Let's get a shot of this, and save it for his benchmark life achievement. We'll put it in the local paper so all the guys on The Force can laugh and point guns at him for being so lame, and then we'll attach it to his bumper so EVERY a-hole in the city that sees him driving will know that he's a Coors-Light-Lakeport-Honey-Brown-and-Lucky-
And when he gets home, we'll hang him by his nuts and beat him like a pinata until he begs for death. It'll be the best birthday EVER!!
If you can't tell, I'm not a fan of the prank. Most people see this as fun, but I see this as disrespectful. I would retaliate with all the fury of a million maniacs and dig out my kids pictures from when their busted faces were still forming in their skulls during puberty and post them all over their high school hallways.
"Honk if you think I'm sexy, It's my birthday, 50," is supposed to be funny.
This dude's family thinks it's funny to have people looking at him like he's bad weather.
Nice family dude.
Hope you live another 75 so they can photocopy images of you having your retirement-home-diapers being changed so they can dump them on the unsuspecting citizenry of Windsor from a blimp with the scrolling message, "Honk if you'd like to wipe this guy's lily-white ass! He's 125!"
Category:Tom -- posted at: 8:43 PM
Wed, 13 June 2007
Topics Include: In the Park, Tom has problems with people who have problems with weight, Burger BB's, Is the Fan Loud Enough, Funny Restaurant, Wierd Hotdogs WORDPLAY ANSWERS : One Eyed Cat NEW TOPIC : Hawiian Western (anything combo-ing the two)
Mon, 4 June 2007
USE THIS ONE!: AUDIO HAS BEEN FIXED!
Mon, 4 June 2007
Tom's first time posting...so be patient...THIS SHOW MAY BE IN STEREO!! If it is, we'll be fixing it soon enough.
Topics include: Oreo Watches The Show, Shane's Job Woes, Goldilocks in the Sideview Mirror, Palmolive and Crown Royal, Can't Keep Ice Cream Down, and more...
Worplay was a bust. New Wordplay: Name the cycloptic cat on this site (shaneandtom.libsyn.com)
Fri, 1 June 2007
My allergies have been so bad lately (now) that I am seeing through my third eye...like this heartwarming image above.
There's nothing like the desecrated corpse of a cat by some Dungeons & Dragons fanatic to tug at the heartstrings.
Ultimately, I'm posting this image to get a rise out of Shane.
The D&D fanboy who lovingly carved out his dead-cat's eyes and then sewed the eyeholes closed probably was sending a message to all the Shanes out there. He then glued a taxidermist-kit-eyeball to Fluffyâ��s forehead. Cute.
A customer of mine, at work, had his legs carved up, as if he was on an Amazon expedition wearing only pantyhose.
"What the hell happened to your legs Glen?"
He chuckled, "My kitten."
Were you in an OxyContin-coma when your kitten used your legs for a scratch-post?!
This is what kills me about cats! They can maul your legs or hands or arms, leaving you a tangled mess of scar tissue, and you cat lovers chuckle.
Why do axe murderers get such a bad rap? If you survive, you've basically had a run-in with a less-lovable cat.
If an animal in the park scratched up my legs like this, it would likely be a foaming-at-the-mouth raccoon fighting to apex Mount Tom because I was holding its babies over the tar-breath-mouth of my blind dog.
But when a kitten is allowed to do this to someone (its owner/master) I realize that all cat owners have been duped.
I can see it now, in the days ahead when I want a pet who craps in the same place every time. I'll get a cat. I'll succumb. And the moment I do, I'll wake up without a nose. Just a gristly cartilage stump. And I'll giggle uncontrollably as Mr. Peepers ravages my mangled beak.
At that moment, I will come to the computer, try to control my laughter, halt the flow of blood flowing over the keyboard, and erase this post.
Category:Tom -- posted at: 5:18 PM