One Track Mind

Jun 1, 2007

My allergies have been so bad lately (now) that I am seeing through my third eye...like this heartwarming image above.

There's nothing like the desecrated corpse of a cat by some Dungeons & Dragons fanatic to tug at the heartstrings.

Ultimately, I'm posting this image to get a rise out of Shane.

The D&D fanboy who lovingly carved out his dead-cat's eyes and then sewed the eyeholes closed probably was sending a message to all the Shanes out there. He then glued a taxidermist-kit-eyeball to Fluffy�s forehead. Cute.

A customer of mine, at work, had his legs carved up, as if he was on an Amazon expedition wearing only pantyhose.
"What the hell happened to your legs Glen?"
He chuckled, "My kitten."

WHAT!?
Were you in an OxyContin-coma when your kitten used your legs for a scratch-post?!
This is what kills me about cats! They can maul your legs or hands or arms, leaving you a tangled mess of scar tissue, and you cat lovers chuckle.
Why do axe murderers get such a bad rap? If you survive, you've basically had a run-in with a less-lovable cat.

If an animal in the park scratched up my legs like this, it would likely be a foaming-at-the-mouth raccoon fighting to apex Mount Tom because I was holding its babies over the tar-breath-mouth of my blind dog.

But when a kitten is allowed to do this to someone (its owner/master) I realize that all cat owners have been duped.

I can see it now, in the days ahead when I want a pet who craps in the same place every time. I'll get a cat. I'll succumb. And the moment I do, I'll wake up without a nose. Just a gristly cartilage stump. And I'll giggle uncontrollably as Mr. Peepers ravages my mangled beak.

At that moment, I will come to the computer, try to control my laughter, halt the flow of blood flowing over the keyboard, and erase this post.