Topics Include : Aw, just listen dammit!

Hey ya'll, Sorry for being such an idiot and not posting this pic till now but behold, drawing of creepy bathroom.
enjoy the awkwardness.
shane

Topics Include: Hot hair, Wet neck, Sleepy Kids and Other.
Wordpay Topic : Kids Games and Diseases
New Topic: Hair and Fire

Topics include: Too many steps, Hello Mr. Tapeworm, Ahhh...Pooo, WORDPLAY: Newspaper Diet, NEW TOPIC: Kids games and Disease

Show Notes to come: There is one pic I need to scan and post, will do that on Monday.

Topics  Include: Why we missed an episode. Oreo deuces on the floor again, The Stairway of Doom, Tom Delivers Something, Shane Didn't Make It, WORDPLAY: Grocery Shopping and Moms, NEW TOPIC: Paper Route Diet.

Holy Fuck.
No, I'm not mad or yelling...that's the name of the headlining band that played Friday night at my much-loved baby, the second annual P.A. Music Festival. www.pafestival.com

As you should know, I own a bar: Phog Lounge.
I book an annual music festival with The Avalon Front, another music venue in Windsor. We show solidarity to music and the customers, by joining forces to have an ass-kicking two days of music from around the country. Simply the best of the best.

That's wy I was unable to do a podcast this week.
I am barely recovering, mentally, and now I am preparing to host the most incredible month of music I've ever booked. www.thephogblog.blogspot.com for details...if you don't believe me.

Now that the madness of hosting 10 remarkable bands in two nights is done, I am ready for Shane's bullshit once again.

Get ready, 'cause it's time to laugh again!

No show today folks! Can we say Shane and Tom are slackers?

Topics to come:

Topics to come:

Topics include: Cat pood piles, Ass Maxi, Flying High, Garage Reselling, Piss Flap, WORDPLAY ANSWERS: None (we suck) NEW TOPIC: Name the Flap on dudes underwear

Topics Include: Shane plays the "squeezebox" in public, The Healers Touch, Birthing fun, Lawnmower Dog Walker. NO WORDPLAY, NEW TOPIC :Menonite and Diapers

Member that time you had your snowsuit on, waiting for daddy to get home from work to take you tobogganing, and he never showed up?

I don't actually (no dad), but it's a metaphor. The proverbial daddies (shane and tom) have missed our quality time with the tike (you guys) and are not able to get a show to you (the tobogganing outing). We are sorry, Mommy has looked down her glasses at us and we will try our best to be less negligent, or Mommy wont put out anymore.....ewww, but I think you know what we mean.

Daddy still loves you very much, here's a 10 spot, go buy yourself some back bacon (that's what my Dad would have said).

shane and tom (the Daddies)

k that sounds very wrong!

Topics Include: Shane's Big Surprise, That Man's a Big Waste...I mean Big Waist,Tom the Big Shooter... Ouch!, Promaja, Voodoo Lady, WORDPLAY: Disease and Dessert, NEW TOPIC: Mexican and Medical or Doctor

We're trying to get something together here and need your help. We're trying to organize a best of Shane and Tom and would totally appreciate your picks for your favourite moments on our show. Either a topic or a story, anything. We have our favourite moments but want to know yours. Either email us or just leave a comment under this post.
Thanks
shane and tom

Topics Include: Shane's Fall, Tom's Fall, Miracle Spring Water,Green Prayer cloth, WORDPLAY ANSWERS: Dog and Booze, NEW TOPIC: Disease/Ailment Dessert

Topics Include: Singa-pore, Shane's Hamster name, Hurt Ribs, Banking Plane, Guinea Pig Bare Back, WORDPLAY ANSWERS: Bird Hair, NEW TOPIC: Pets and Liquor.

Topics Include: Sicky Pie, Lap Fire, Shane's Back, Balkan Hotline, Pigeon Problems, Dropped Keys, Hamster Names, WORDPLAY ANSWERS: Being Hit in Face with Baseball, NEW TOPIC: Hairy Bird

Lately we have changed the day that we are posting the show, we have been recording and posting on Wednesday, and posting either Wednesday or Thursday. Because of work I have less time to edit the show and post it the same day we record. So, I think it will be best to still post the show on Sunday, so it's available to you all on Monday morning like good old times, Plus if Tom and I are not able to meet up we have a few days to make it up before the weekend.

With that being said, you'll have to wait now till Sunday for the new show?  But it will be well worth it, we promise.

I trust we are back on track and the shows will be coming out regularly from now on.

Take it easy
shane and tom

Hey there friends!,
Tom's feeling a tad under the weather, so we wont be able to record till (hopefully) tomorrow, keep your britches on, but at least change them some time tomorrow.
shane

We talk about The Return of The Squeezebox, The New Hamster, Being In The Park, Staring Contest With A Stranger, Man Bag (Murse) Problems, Hard Ground, Shit Face The Hamster (pictured above), Hot Dog Meat-Skin-Straw, Baseball to The Face, Grub-Like Larvae Sack Implanted in a Rabbit's Chest, This Week's Wordplay: Getting hit in the face/mouth/head with a baseball.

There's nothing I'd rather have hanging from my rear-view mirror than a giant plastic shithawk with a wingspan of nearly two feet...how about you?

This was sent in by Angie, a good friend of Shane's, and it is proof that if you pay attention, you will see the most garish things hanging in people's cars.

Shane had this to say about it, "It looks like a really bad B-movie prop, you know the birds on a stick? Maybe he's a washed up B-movie prop guy. I think there is a more professional name like a "Gaffer" or something, but in this instance I'd say a Squawker."

Topics Include: Chinchilla, KY Packets, Calgary, Me Cake, Womanequins are hot, Huge Coffee Mugs, New Pet, Word Association, WORD PLAY: Hawaiian Western, NEW TOPIC: Human Cake

Topics Include: I can't even begin to describe this show, but funny as hell. enjoy!

Here is the link for the Hamster video Tom showed Shane,
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=y8Kyi0WNg40

I'm posting this, because I know as soon as Shane sees it, he will laugh out loud.
The only thing is that I cannot remember the context of this.
I don't remember why it's so funny.
This is a self-portrait taken during the last recording at Shane's old workplace...and it was in relation to a story I was telling...but I can't remember...
Shane - It's your chance to fill in the blanks in the comment section.

Shane here
LOLE!, this was your impersonation of the dog hard rubbing his nose on the homeless guys crotch and this was when the dog was gumming his jogging pant pole.

I saw this abomination leaving work the other day.
The family thought it would be cute to post a photo of this poor bastard in fake Oakleys on the bumper of his car...on his 50th birthday no less!

Let's get something straight. On my birthday, I'm the goddamn man of the hour. Screw that, I am the Man of the Year on that day. Christ, the man made it to 50 years old! Do you know how hard that is to do these days? In Windsor, Ontario?! Our air is like baby powder, filled with grit and dust, except it comes from broken down shit-bucket cars that lunch-bucket brains can't let go of...so the powder is more like brake powder.

So, back to this poor-man's Tom Selleck...
He's got the gold chain on, he's obviously tanning on a boat at Put-In-Bay for the long weekend. His moustachio is turning a little blonde, and his JOakleys are hiding his bloodshot, Coors-Light-Lakeport-Honey-Brown-and-Lucky-Lager-indicating-eyeballs. Let's get a shot of this, and save it for his benchmark life achievement. We'll put it in the local paper so all the guys on The Force can laugh and point guns at him for being so lame, and then we'll attach it to his bumper so EVERY a-hole in the city that sees him driving will know that he's a Coors-Light-Lakeport-Honey-Brown-and-Lucky-
Lager-swilling-over-the-hill-pretty-boy.

And when he gets home, we'll hang him by his nuts and beat him like a pinata until he begs for death. It'll be the best birthday EVER!!
Yaaaaaaay!

If you can't tell, I'm not a fan of the prank. Most people see this as fun, but I see this as disrespectful. I would retaliate with all the fury of a million maniacs and dig out my kids pictures from when their busted faces were still forming in their skulls during puberty and post them all over their high school hallways.

"Honk if you think I'm sexy, It's my birthday, 50," is supposed to be funny.

This dude's family thinks it's funny to have people looking at him like he's bad weather.

Nice family dude.

Hope you live another 75 so they can photocopy images of you having your retirement-home-diapers being changed so they can dump them on the unsuspecting citizenry of Windsor from a blimp with the scrolling message, "Honk if you'd like to wipe this guy's lily-white ass! He's 125!"

Topics Include: In the Park, Tom has problems with people who have problems with weight, Burger BB's, Is the Fan Loud Enough, Funny Restaurant, Wierd Hotdogs WORDPLAY ANSWERS : One Eyed Cat NEW TOPIC : Hawiian Western (anything combo-ing the two)

USE THIS ONE!: AUDIO HAS BEEN FIXED!

Tom's first time posting...so be patient...THIS SHOW MAY BE IN STEREO!! If it is, we'll be fixing it soon enough.
Topics include: Oreo Watches The Show, Shane's Job Woes, Goldilocks in the Sideview Mirror, Palmolive and Crown Royal, Can't Keep Ice Cream Down, and more...
Worplay was a bust. New Wordplay: Name the cycloptic cat on this site (shaneandtom.libsyn.com)

My allergies have been so bad lately (now) that I am seeing through my third eye...like this heartwarming image above.

There's nothing like the desecrated corpse of a cat by some Dungeons & Dragons fanatic to tug at the heartstrings.

Ultimately, I'm posting this image to get a rise out of Shane.

The D&D fanboy who lovingly carved out his dead-cat's eyes and then sewed the eyeholes closed probably was sending a message to all the Shanes out there. He then glued a taxidermist-kit-eyeball to Fluffy�s forehead. Cute.

A customer of mine, at work, had his legs carved up, as if he was on an Amazon expedition wearing only pantyhose.
"What the hell happened to your legs Glen?"
He chuckled, "My kitten."

WHAT!?
Were you in an OxyContin-coma when your kitten used your legs for a scratch-post?!
This is what kills me about cats! They can maul your legs or hands or arms, leaving you a tangled mess of scar tissue, and you cat lovers chuckle.
Why do axe murderers get such a bad rap? If you survive, you've basically had a run-in with a less-lovable cat.

If an animal in the park scratched up my legs like this, it would likely be a foaming-at-the-mouth raccoon fighting to apex Mount Tom because I was holding its babies over the tar-breath-mouth of my blind dog.

But when a kitten is allowed to do this to someone (its owner/master) I realize that all cat owners have been duped.

I can see it now, in the days ahead when I want a pet who craps in the same place every time. I'll get a cat. I'll succumb. And the moment I do, I'll wake up without a nose. Just a gristly cartilage stump. And I'll giggle uncontrollably as Mr. Peepers ravages my mangled beak.

At that moment, I will come to the computer, try to control my laughter, halt the flow of blood flowing over the keyboard, and erase this post.

I saw a link online where you could leave a message on a scrolling sign in an office building somewhere in the US (California, I think).

I thought I'd pimp Squeezebox...
But all of the workers were just looking away.
They were completely unimpressed with anything on the sign...even the horrendous racial epithets people were displaying...

I thought they'd appreciate my simple advertisement instead of the repeating message of "Balls, balls, balls..." or "You're ugly!"

But, to no avail.
The message scrolled, stayed for a second, repeated a couple of times, and went away forever.

Podcasts themselves are a lot like that.
Frown.

Hello friends!,
Sadly enough Tom and I were not able to get together today to record our wonderful show, I was too busy with packing and shit before I head off on vacation. There will also be no ep. next week as I will also be gone. What about Oreo you ask? Well I just buy a rather large turkey, cook it, and then toss it in the tub, and she can chip away at it all week (she doesnt even notice im gone due to all the turkey induced sleeping). I kid, my friend will be staying here, to feed the bitch. If you live in Toronto, Ottawa or Montreal, I'll be saying hi as I drive by.
Talk soon
shane

I am surprised to see that Shane has still not posted any images of the gift I bought him for his birthday.
These magnets of cat butts swelled at me from the shelf in this weird little store in Toronto. I was with Jhoan (wife), Misener, and Jenna, and they all agreed that it pulsated with Shane-ness. It still wasn't gross enough for Misener...but I couldn't see anything dead or turned inside-out...so this was the winner.
The best part is the little cat in the bottom right corner saying, "Guess which one is mine?"
These are the only kind of gifts I know Shane will like. I do not want to buy him a "personal massager" that he burns out by sitting on them for hours on end. I want something that will ignite his imagination. I want something to take him up into the rear-asses of felines.
They were the most expensive magnets I ever bought, but his reaction was worth every penny.
Meeeoow?
Meeeuck!

This is a little photo proof of the single-shoe-theory that Shane and I concocted several episodes ago...
I don't know why this particular black shoe is paired with a crumpled laundry detergent bottle, but I have an idea...
This photo was taken on one of the many roads in Windsor where "Front-Porch-Fridge" people toss their trash in public.
This is a service road that runs parallel to our lone expressway. There is nothing really on this road except deep, wet ditches and shallow, dry personalities.
I found myself to be walking along it while my car was out of commission recently.
Most of the time, you see skater kids, wearing grimy backpacks, collecting stupidity out of the fuel-stained gravel on the sides of the roads.
I would hope that one of them would get ram-rodded by a truck while wandering down this side road, which would explain the shoe...but that's wishful thinking.
I think this shoe is nothing more than another piece of garbage being dumped alongside old newspapers, bottles, cans, and broken basketball rims (yes I saw one). I just don't know why there's only one! Where is the other shoe?
I actually could see a skater kid moving along at a good click, with those overly floppy shoes that are wider across than they are long, simply continuing along after one shoe bites the dust. These kids are usually pretty lazy, unless you are willing to give them something new for free, and I contest that they might actually leave their abused, battered, putrid pedal-foot shoe in a ditch.
"Screw it, I'll get it tomorrow. Hope it doesn't rain."
Idiots. Go pierce your brain.
If you have any theories, send them our way.

Topics include: Fun with earspuds, 2 Fingers?, The Dogs got a bone-r, The Dates got a bone-r WORDPLAY ANSWERS :Grey Pubic Hair, NEW TOPIC: Mayo on Steak

No episode this week. Tom sucks!
Sorry Shane!
Too much going on in my little head to remember one of my favourite weekly activities.
Shane was ready and waiting.
I was watching synchonized swimming, clueless. Completely unaware of what I had forgotten.
I am a tool. By the way, that is not Shane and I in the photo above...but it IS our signature move!
Trademark infringement.
They're dead meat.

Topics include: Hating Gingers, Massaging Mom, Blind Web Design, Grey Pubes WORDPLAY ANSWERS: Nurses and Sex, NEW TOPIC: Grey Pubic Hair

Don't even ask, just listen and enjoy...or whatever.

Here is the xray I was talking about...with the screws in my jaw. The other weird thing was they found a bird skull imbedded in my brain as well! Strange... I guess thats what they mean by Bird Brain.

 Topics Include: Skin Tags, Heart Germ, Caughy with her Shirt Up, M.R.Eye Ball, Grueyrereyer????? WORDPLAY: Shorts and Money, NEW TOPIC: Heart Bug Repellant

As you know, the show has been on hiatus.

Shane has been kind enough to ask for prayers and to post on the site.

Above is a picture of my Dad on Sunday, before his heart bypass surgery where he was impaired more than ever during the surgery.

My Dad has gone from bad to worse, and then miraculously, stable and slowly (VERY) improving.
Doctors do not really know how he has made it from one hospital to the other (Tuesday morning) and now that he has been hooked up to 20 machines, pumping his blood, making his heart beat, breathing for him, keeping him sedated, keeping him pain free, keeping his blood pressure regulated, keeping his oxygen saturation regulated, he has drastically reduced his dependance on all of these aids.

His body was on 4 MAJOR doses of 4 MAJOR drugs. He has been capable of being weened off of all but one of them (blood pressure) and he has almost finished needing that one! He had a pump in an artery near the heart, in correlation with a heart medicine (forcing the muscle to work), which doctors thought was the only way his heart would keep beating. They thought his heart muscle could be dead from the massive heart attack he had on Monday. But, he is now competely free of the pump, and the heart-beat-medicine.

The prayers are working. This is what I'm saying.
I am not one who is into hokey beliefs...but I am spiritual. I have been praying to every god (God) there is, and I know that he's been in the thoughts of many reading this, and it IS WORKING.

There is almost no other explanation. Please keep thinking of him.
Every good intention and every strong prayer is helping him heal.
He has a lot to live for and you are helping him.
Thank you from the bottom of my squeezy heart.
His squeezebox needs more help.
Thanks in advance.

Tom

I just spoke to Tom, and his dad isn't doing to swell at the moment, He had a heart attack while they were performing his surgery on Monday and he has been struggling ever since. Over the past day or so he has slowly (very slowly) been improving but is certainly not out of the woods. We please ask you to project your happy and positive thoughts toward his father at this time, he will definately be gracious of the powerful energy that our mind can project, and as well heal with the support he deserves.
Thank you
I'll keep you informed
shane

Please send happy thoughts towards Tom's father, he is having surgery on Monday. We'll get a show out as soon as we can.

This is yet another example of the people in charge of companies, falling on their stupid, doughy faces.

Who in the hell do they expect to read this sign, really?

This could say any host of things...like,
"Ole! We Rotted Two Extra Widows!"
"Please Throw Weed To Extreme Minnows"
"Sleaze Pro Fed Bro Extended Swim Cow"

Anyone see anything else?

But seriously, what genius decided to put this sign up thinking that it actually had value? Customers just see a sign and know that the person who gives them the wrong order is obviously at the next window.

This sign could say, "Choke and Die" and no one could read it. They should just have a big, dumb, Looney Toons windshield sun-blocker that people used to use in their 1985 Tempos.
"Hey, was that Taz?"
"Just keep drivin' Beth, I want my fries hot!"

There are several stores that NEVER use that first window. In fact, I have been to several spots that do not use the first "speaker/microphone". They have a sign written on loose-leaf paper or a manila envelope, "Please drive to next speaker". Why do we have these initial fake-outs? Wallpaper the inside of those extra hubs in the "Drive Thru"(Don't get me started on the spelling of ''thru"). It's as if the building was designed for space battle. Like the more bubble domes jutting out from the sides of the buildings can be laser-gun turrets to fight of enemy warships.

Nerds are in charge of fast food restaurants. You'd think nerds could at least get the speaker to sound better.

Yup, he's getting married. I don't know if they are going to release the video for this on the podcast feed...but I'm betting on NO.
This is my public congratulations to Jenna and Jim...er Dan.
Yaaaaaaaaay!!

My Dad is having heart issues.
Not funny.
Not fun.
This is why there was no show this week.
I have been trying to be around him as much as possible.
Laying in 3 different hospitals for 3 weeks, waiting for tests and doctors' opinions to align is not fun either. The problem is that my Dad's hospital is in London, Ontario, which is 2 hours away. So, the show will resume next week, as will my father's normal life after he finally gets some heart surgery done.

To lighten things up a bit, I have supplied this photo.
I knew my Dad would recover when I started seeing humourous things in the hospital. This is but one example.
I direct your attention to the procedure that the hospital calls a "diva".
It's the third one from the top. It apparantly takes 40 minutes to complete.
Is this just the waiting time for a woman who is whipping her hair around and making her entourage go get Twinkies and bottles water for her?
If a diva has major attitude with the receptionist, is she given a penalty (like in football) of 45 minutes (flat rate) until she curbs te attitude?

P.S. What the hell is a "fistulagram"? Sounds like something Shane needs, but wouldn't enjoy...much.

Just curious.
Love You Dad.

Tom and I were unable to hook up today and record our show.
We sorry, guess you'll actually have to listen to the loser sitting next to you on the bus eat his own gums. Ew!...yay....hobo's are awesome!

Tim Horton's has been the source of some ranting for me, and it continues to engage me in unexpected situations.

During the last visit, on the way to recording Episode 69, I was heading to pick up two coffees for Shane and I. Looking ahead of me, I saw something bright blue on the pavement. I knew immediately it was a five dollar bill.

I drove up, hopped out, grabbed my camera, and shot a photo from ground level. Luckily, I was being shielded by the truck while I took the photo. Truthfully, I did look around to see if someone had been killed in the distance, scattering money into the wind. There's not a whole lot around this coffee shop, so there could have been some nefarious happenings occurring in the field behind the lot.

I started thinking about the last time I found money.
I'm one of those people who walks to the money when I see it, and I step on it immediately. In case someone else sees it, I want to have 170 pounds resting in it when the sucker reaches to pick it up.
It's so lame that I (we) do this, because we know that this money might belong to someone else, and we will be out some free money.
I can't help it. Unless I see an oaf pull out his wallet and mishandle his cash with chubby fingers, watching it fall to the floor, and he doesn't notice, then that cash is mine. I'm not a thief, just a competitive money-grubber.
There's a difference.
Shane's a thief.
I'm only interested in stealing 35 minutes of your life every week.


If only I could find more listeners so easily...

This pic should be horizontal, but it's way funnier vertical.

Topics Include: Tom found 5, Horsetrack Money, "Thanks for Ruining Everything.......", Cry-orhea, WORDPLAY ANSWERS: Meat and Chemistry, NEW TOPIC: Money in your Shorts (or underwear)

Squeezeboxers!

Topics Include: Meeting Tom...Boo, Losing an Hour, Facebook oops, The Poo Incident. WORDPLAY ANSWERS: HOBO: None, NEW TOPIC: Meat and Chemistry.

Oh bother...I have no words to describe this...
Tut, tut, it looks like rain.

Poor Shane, and his likeness to an infant "yellow" bear named after "number two".

I think you guys both eat honey by the handful out of a big jug too, right?
This is so funny!

Thanks Kelly!

I have no words to describe this!

Topics Include: Fudgey-O, Cat-ster, Breast Feeding a Cat, Shane on You: My name is Mad to Namesayers, Hobo's Divided by 2, Piece of Shane's Thumb, WORDPLAY ANSWERS: Monkey Wedding, NEW TOPIC: The long form of the word HOBO.

Okay, so, here are the results of the Rear-View-Mirror Stats I complied over the last two weeks.
Of the total 173 things I observed, this is how they stacked up:
Tree air freshener (A.F.) - 29
Maple leaf air freshener (A.F.) - 24
Necklaces/Beads - 18
Religious Trinkets - 17
Dream Catchers - 16
Fuzzy dice - 10
Hawaiian Lei - 8
Soccer ball in net - 8
Baby shoes - 4
Stuffed animal - 4
Flag - 4
Animal tail (only) - 3
Solo Items:
Another mirror
Yankee Candle A.F.
Mini cowboy hat
Cartoon A.F.
Sunglasses
Hula girl A.F.
Double 8-Ball
Marilyn Monroe A.F.
Paper Star
Big bag of potpourri
Stuffed Santa
Scarf (kerchief)
Toronto Maple Leafs A.F.
7 Dwarves head (Sleepy)
Glass dolphin
Angel X-Mas ornament
Plush Tigger
Grad tassel
Small metal rooster
Plush flower
Taz A.F.
Disco ball
Paper bird
Handcuffs
Ski Goggles
Mini football helmets
A CD

 
Topics Include: Wild Sex, Rearview, Luggage and Bags, WORDPLAY ANSWERS: Religion and Skateboarding, NEW WORDPLAY: Monkeys and Marriage.

Sorry, some things came up and we couldn't get together.

Sorry Friends, There will be no episode this week. I have to go try out for Canadian Idol (I know they'll love the squeezebox)
shane

Do you see anything resembling toastiness?
I sure don't.
I ate this thing willingly, knowing I would be chomping into a soft buttery goo-ball that was far more solid and viscous than I wanted it to be.
If the damn bagel can’t even get hot enough to melt butter, how crappy is your toaster?
What setting do you have it at? Tepid? The dough is barely warm. I almost bring myself to breathe hard on the thing just to heat the butter up a bit.

At least there wasn’t a butter-skin covering the hole that I had to skim off before I ate it.

I will try my best not to complain about Tim Horton’s anymore, but look at this lactic disaster. I told you we weren’t exaggerating.

If you look closely, you can see the wonderful dream-catcher hanging from the rear-view mirror. This was one of three cars I saw on that short drive, to the podcast recording, and I happened to have my camera ready. Enough already! I think natives should be able to claim your car on the spot, seize you from within it, leave you on the side of the road, and drive away, wearing huge head-dresses and shooting arrows at random cars on the way out.
How bizarre is it that we (in general) avoid any contact with our native people and their concerns, but we cannot escape the idea of having a ripped-off native symbol (tennis-racket-string, organized to look like a dyslexic spider web, with ANGELS dancing among the beads strung among the dyed-purple feathers) in our vehicles?

We must have this in the car, where we... dream? What? Dreaming in the car? Oh, wait, yeah, that's, ummm, STUPID! Nothing beats the idea of stealing a symbol from natives and adorning it with another spiritual-belief's symbolism (yeah, the angels)...that's just an extra rib-shot.
That said, I have begin an informal data-collection project based on the things that hang from rear-view mirrors.
So far, I have a very concrete list, that rarely varies, which seems to house every possible thing hanging from these mirrors.
I will report on some of these items here, in the next little while.
Look for updates.
As for now, I want to discuss one of the stranger things I see...
Hawaiian Lei Necklaces (apparently people win these at hot-body contests or a lame luau parties or from prom parties). I just don't get why so many people have plastic flower necklaces hanging from their mirror. Most of the time, they are hanging in cars of dudes. Dudes who wear mirrored (fluorescent) sunglasses, with gel-laden hair and personalized plates like, "HETERO". So, I'm thinking, if I tried to pull this off, I'd have the gay finger pointing my way all the time...like that commercial for Arby's when the logo for the meat-sheet-burger-joint hovers over the people thinking about Arby's...my car would have that purple Teletubby constantly hovering over my car...but it's okay for big raging jocks to hang luscious lei from their mirror. I don't get it. Maybe I'm jealous.

Sorry about the audio, it's a bit distorted (shane can't stop effing with it) Topics Include: Dream Hummer, Skate or Died for Us, Bad Memory "Where did she go?", Naked Firemen, Croc Exchange, 80's Tom, WORDPLAY ANSWERS- People Who Shouldn't do Yoga, NEW TOPIC: Religion and Skateboarding.

Topics Include: Woman at the Dentist, Yo-garbage, Shane on you: Idiot Drivers! (or maybe I'm the idiot), TMNT Movie?, WORDPLAY ANSWERS: Old Newspaper Delivery People, NEW TOPIC: Terms for people that should NOT be doing yoga.

Topics Include: None, sorry, will post topics later

Just a quick post, Tom posted the pic of me strangling my cat Oreo, Here is a recent pic of the same cat.
I can't believe she's as old as she is.

Due to Technical difficulties the ep wont be posted till Monday sometime.
oo oo (said kinda like uh oh)

Here's the other pic needed to enjoy our Anal-versary show.
Shane pushing Oreo toward the fire 16 years before this cat has even thought of "checking out".
Shane steered clear of the fire though, because that silk would light up faster than a 1970s Halloween costume.

1 YEAR ANAL-VERSARY!

Topics Include: Shane's probe, M&maries, "It's kinda drafty, The drip, Stangling Oreo. NEW WORDPLAY TOPIC: Boob Chocolate or Candy.

This is me in my Hobo-Neck-Scarf...so aptly named by Shane.
He's jealous of the fashion craze I've begun.
I am encouraging hipsters to grow beards, their hair, and wear a broken down toque as a neck warmer/scarf. In fact, there are already a few copycats at Phog Lounge in Windsor.

Shane has been nice enough to even tell me that my hair, on the sides, looks like pubic hair. What are friends for? That might be the worst thing anyone has ever said about my appearance, and it came from my best pal.
Love you too...a-hole.

It started on Spadina Street in Toronto with my wife. We went into a store and bought two toques for two bucks. Upon walking out the door, I dug into the bag and pulled out a new version of the toque. It had NO pom-poms on it, and it had come completely unravelled on the top, where it should be sewn shut with pom-poms.

I was incensed! I spent a dollar! What is the value of a dollar anymore! My wife, Jhoan rolls her eyes looking at me. "Bring it back then, don't complain," she said...or something like that. This coming from the person who has since learned NEVER to buy "gadgets" from dollar stores, after  we bought a can opener that couldn't have helped open a can if they were tied together and shot out of a canon against an iron wall.

Dollar stuff, for the most part is total trash.
This toque-turned-neck-scarf is how you pull the old switcheroo on the bastards taking advantage of our thrifty, cheap asses.

At that moment, in the summer, in Toronto, I told Jhoan, "This is going to be a neck warmer," which she started to laugh at, "and I'm not kidding! This thing is going to be the BEST neck warmer ever! Just to spite this store!"

And, voila! It has been so faithful and ugly at the same time, that I am getting people to follow in my footsteps. "I feel weird without it on now," said one follower, "because it's like being hugged the whole time it's on, and when it's off, you're cold."

That's right. Gaze upon my mangled woolen nightmare. I love it.
We might even start selling them...

Topics Include: Just balls!!, just kidding!, Car Balls, He must have been Singa-poor, That guy has Balls, Shane and Tom hate Walky Talky Phones, Nursing Homes. WORDPLAY ANSWERS: Meet Cookies

Topics Include: Chicken in the Egg, Beef Cookies, Oh my god pic!(I don't know how else to name it), Shane on You" Stickers on Products, "Hope He Doesn't See Me.

Yes we did sell out...I'm trying a little experiment, I've added a video of our show but its not video, just audio with a still image on youtube. Just trying to get the word out. Here's the link if you want to send it to some friends, it's the stolen car bit from the latest show.

Also, when you hear us talking about the dumb barbershop quartet hats, the image above is what we're talking about.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FdZc15MtE6s

thanks
shane

Topics Include: Bye Bye Car, A Nice Piece of Gas, Needle in Shane's Head,
Ordering on the Fly WORDPLAY: Smoking while running. NEW TOPIC: Charcoal Feet. BONUS: Tom and Shane exchange presents.

Shane here,
Tom I just read this message and practically crapped my drawers in laughter, eff that was funny, I wanted to eat that bird so bad!!!.
Here is my note to the person who has touched my life....not touched me, my life.
Tom (awwwww!!) thank you so much for being such a wonderful inspiration in the world of me, I have had a complete blast this year doing the show, and I feel blessed, you are truly the funniest person I know, and bring out the funniest in me. Thanks buddy.
As for the rest of you.....Happy New Year and thank you.

shane (the bird eater)

The image above is of one of many birds who died at or near the hands of one Shane Potvin. This little guy, who looks like he's 100 in bird years, was clinging onto this branch like a 14-year-old Olympic gymnast. Nothing Shane could do would provoke this beast to let go.
How can a bird, covered in feathers, have wrinkles? Am I nuts or does he look wrinkly?

Shane was shaking the branches of the tree in my backyard like a grizzly bear trying to release fruit, but this bird wouldn't budge! Wouldn't budgy!! Yeeeaaahaaaaa!

This now-dead bird reminds me of how fleeting our hollow-boned little flightless lives are, and how much we should live each day. I want to send you all the best wishes, on behalf of Shane and myself, to have an enriched New Year. Send a note to that person who made a difference in your week. Get in touch with family more often. Make more of your days than you have in years passed.

Don't end up being a tired old pigeon grasping onto your bedpan while the orderlies try to shake you off of the ceiling fan.
Bye Bye Birdie.
Happy New Year

Just picture this message as a sign out in front of our e-store.

love you!

shane and tom

X-Mas Rebuttal

After venting my dislike for all things insincere around the holidays, I am beginning to feel much more vibrant toward the 25th.

I finally wrapped almost all of my gifts, which has helped buoy my spirits.
The weather in Windsor is wet and not white. No snow.
The temperature has been more like the breath of a farty, exhausted mall-Santa. The lack of snow has been destroying my festive mood.

AndyCast, The Zedcast, Canadian Podcast Buffet, are a few of the podcasts who put out show with the intention of lightening the end of this month, and it was well received by many listeners, including myself. The Rogic crew organized a sing-along skit that made a pleasant dent in my X-Mas humbugging. Barry from Barrie, The Scarborough Dude, and Dave (Two Boobs and a Baby) sent e-cards too...what a great bunch.

With this post, being the only real holiday positivity you'll hear from me, I AM happy to have something small to give Shane for Christmas. He couldn't guess what it is if he tried. Neither could you. But in its simplicity, is its perfection. After he gets it, I'll post images of the items I gifted.

Hey Dump! Shane! If you're reading this, DO NOT GO TO THE DOLLAR STORE! If you show up at my house during the holiday with a sewing kit, sandcastle pails, plastic flowers, a plastic can opener, a box of combs, or a multi-pack of "Goosy Fruit" (Juicy Fruit knock-off gum), I will make you watch me sew a flag for my miniature flower-covered sandcastle, while I comb my hair endlessly, opening cans of beets which I will eat at the same time as my "Goosy Fruit Gum". What I'm saying is, "Shane, I hope you like your gifts."

Merry Christmas everyone.
Happy Holidays.
Laugh a lot.
Tom

Dave is moving to Nashville.
He's taking his family too.
But before he goes, he needs to tie up some loose ends, like sending us this e-card that made my stomach rumble the moment I got it. My feet started to sweat as I re-imagined perfectly carved slices of gyro meat being used as shoe insoles.
It is just...so...brown!
He obviously wanted to share in Squeezebox's love for highly-compacted-lamb's meat. He went one further and jammed it all into a bowl.
I couldn't NOT show this off.
Hope you're all busy with our Wordplay for the next show: smoking while exercising (running).
Tom

Topics Include: Tom doesn't greet the Seasons Greetings, Shane on You: smoking while riding a bike,  NEW WORDPLAY TOPIC: smoking during excercise.

Well, I have been lucky enough to be chosen as the winner in a draw for a - 

Behringer Ultra-Voice Digital VX2496 Microphone Preamp

This is pretty awesome.
It came as a surprise, because I nominated Shane for this prize on the Canadian Podcast Buffet last week. If you nominated a podcaster on canadapodcasts.ca, you yourself were entered into a random draw for a second Behringer.
Barry from Barrie Podshow was the winner of the nominated podcasters, and I was the winner of the Horseshow Up My Butt draw.

This thing apparantly can do a bunch of great stuff, and I look forward to using it with Shane on future shows and on future ideas.
If I can convince my wife, Jhoan, to do a show with me, this little beauty will be the gateway mechanism.
Thanks Mark and Bob at Canadian Podcast Buffet and special thanks to The National Arts Centre which I believe is located in Ottawa. These Ottawans are responsible for the giveaway in the first place.
They rock!

If you're a sound-tech nerd, read the following:
"The Behringer Ultra-Voice Digital VX2496 is a high-quality mic preamp and voice processor that features an AES/EBU output (digital output up to 24 bit/96 kHz), opto compressor, dynamic enhancer, expander, de-esser and tube simulation. If you are a recording musician, home/project studio owner, or work primarily in the digital domain and need to record vocals into a digital system, this is your machine. Key features include a 24-bit/96 kHz AES/EBU output with selectable sampling rates or external clocking. The Ultra-Voice has a discrete ULN mic/line input stage with soft mute +48V phantom power. Authentic tube emulation circuitry provides for typical tube and tape saturation sounds, and there is a true RMS expander for smooth noise reduction. An opto-compressor provides inaudible dynamic control and creative signal processing options. A voice-optimized equalizer was specially designed for voice enhancement."

We can't always drink beer with floating plastic boats in them!
We had a lovely comment from "That Guy" asking why, if Tim Horton's is so crappy, do we go so often?

Here's the answer. I love to hate things.
I love to get what I want and need (caffeine) while getting piss-poor service that I can use on our podcast.

Tim Horton's provides this opportunity during every visit.
Bad bagel-karma, anti-physics/anti-gravity coffee cups, term-obsessed automatons (not "vanilla cappucino" but "French vanilla" screw you very much), and those hideous beige ass-deterrents all in one place and you're asking why I go there? Are you slow? How could I NOT go there.
I bet you're the kind of "higher being" who doesn't slow down at traffic accidents too.

Back to those beige pants...those things are so bad, the world's pro-ass lobby is almost forced to run buttock promotional spots to reverse the damage done to us poor saps who've been unlucky enough to see under that Tim Horton's counter-top/force-field.

Why do we go there so much? Sheesh! Get a clue!
I'm surprised I haven't tried to move in! Who wouldn't want coffee every morning, the smell of fat coating the walls 24/7, and sharing a bathroom with more homeless people than a Skid Row Porta-Pottie.

The more that they get wrong, the more my love strengthens for them.
Their colours are brown and red! The two worst coloured fluids that leave the human body. They have it so wrong, it's right.
Tom

With some minutes making themselves available in the late evening, early morning, we will be trying to post a few more bits and pieces, and especially photos to our lovely website.

If you have any ideas for things you'd like to see posted on this site, let us know! Yes, say something! Not to yourself you big, dumb idiot. In our comments section!

Above, I have posted a shot of Shane and Dan Misener during Dan's visit last week. It was painful in two ways. It hurt to say goodbye, and it hurt that spot on the back of my skull...you know the spot where it hurts when you laugh too hard?

Misener is a constant reminder of the creative spirit, and he brought the most wicked and insane out of us during his hiccup of a visit.

Oh, and, "Hi Shane! Looks like I started posting blog stuff! Awesome! Thanks for letting me contribute to the website! Yeeeaaa haaa ha haaa!"
Cha cha cha
Tom

Topics Include: Oreo nursing herself, Issues with Tim Horton, Cat scan, Breathing on your balls. WORDPLAY: Livestock Fuel

Topics Include: He Killed a Rabbit with a Birdie, Pig-saust, Awkward Conversation Endings, WORDPLAY: Meat Pads  NEW TOPIC: Fuel made from Livestock parts.